its been a while.... was hectic... exams start in wat, less than 5 days!! i'm freaking out.... and i also just learnt today that one can study only up to a certain point.... i've been studying for an average of 8-10 hours a day for the past...4 days..... and today... i just cant study and its bad!! i HAVE TO STUDY i hate not being able to do something i cant do.... wait that doesn't make sense... and this day making me just bludge... makes me think... i just wonder...
2 ppl in my life have told me I can't commit.. is this realy true? i thought all that I ever wanted was a commitment... how do ppl make comments and classify those who can and cant commit? what is commitment? is it because im too independent? too boyish? too loud? too fat? too annoying? i love my life.. but i guess like every other girl.. i crave the small things, the happiness of being with someone... but this year.. my luck has been... interesting... strange.. i dont regret any of it.. because like u should never regret anything.. but i'd take it as a learning curve, a learning experience... i've had my share of ups my share of downs.. some more than the others.. but it all helps me learn and become a better person to my ability... of course to my benefit.. so am i really a better person now? am i really happier? im not too sure myself.. i dont think ive become a better person.. i always thought i was nicer last time.. considerate.. a good friend... but then again i coulda been wrong.. now i feel im more selfish.. i feel that.. i don't care anymore.. and i dont know if this makes me a better person or not... but it has improved my life.. drastically.. im healthier, i study more, i work less.. im actually coping with an 8 subject workload.. but am i happier? i dunno.. i just dunno anymore.. a friend of mine who could read palms told me that i could get very depressing and a wise friend described me as someone who "falls in a ditch but knows how to get herself out". i don't envy other ppl, i dont wish to be anyone else but sometimes i wonder what its like.. not to be me.. if i had taken a different path..
